Monthly Archives: August 2009

Shame-ber Food List

Lawrence in Tenver (aka Cornhole), has lovingly compiled a list of Shame-ber-worthy food-like items for us to enjoy:

Lately I’ve been compiling a list of “delicious/disgusting” foods. The difference between delicious/disgusting food and much of the junk food that other people eat in their shamebers is that D/D food is not merely delicious and unhealthy — through the magic of industrial food processing, these junk foods achieve the feat of being repellent and tasty at the same time.

Take McDonald’s french fries, for instance. They are indisputably delicious, and yet I would not be surprised to learn that they are injection-molded from an edible plastic developed by evil Nazi scientists. Even while shoveling handfuls of this quasi-food-like-substance into my mouth and moaning with delight, I feel nauseated and slightly greasy, and afterward I vow never to eat the vile stuff again. Which is always a lie.

I questioned whether or not this belonged in my Shame-ber, so I imagined filling a grocery cart with these items and decided that I would feel quite ashamed if I ran into someone I knew at the grocery store. “This isn’t for me,” I would say. “I’m having some 12-year-boys over to my place, and I heard they like this kind of food.”

Anyway, here’s my list:

· Totino’s Party Pizzas

· Chef Boyardee canned spaghetti & meatballs (now with extra-orange sauce!)

· Spam

· Hostess Sno Balls

· Hostess Cup Cakes

· Hostess Ding Dongs

· Anything from Hostess, really

· Or McDonald’s

· Or Taco Bell, for that matter

· Bar S hot dogs

· Any number of pseudo-cheese products: Cheez Whiz, Easy Cheese, pasteurized process cheese food singles, any sausage product with cheese built in…

· Funyuns

· Magic Shell

· Cool Whip

· Little Debbie Swiss Rolls

· Dinty Moore canned beef stew

And might I also add from my own Shame-ber:

Pizza Hut pizza (which, even though I am lactose intolerant, and even though I can’t breathe for hours after eating it, calls its siren song to me more often than I would like to admit)

McDonald’s Chicken McNuggets (thankfully, I have resisted these for probably about 10 years)

The fact that I will eat the same disgusting meal for days on end when my husband goes out of town, and I’m really too ashamed to describe it to you

The cherry-chip cookies at King Soopers that they give away free to “kids” (which to me, means 30-year-old women). Every time I eat one, I feel like my mouth has been coated in crude oil, but I keep coming back for more. They are shockingly pink, and contain no natural ingredients. Do they have these cookies anywhere else, or is it just a Colorado thing?

What’s on your list?

Oh, and I don’t think this is shameful at all, but I want to encourage everyone to try putting peanuts in their Coke (a la Barbara Mandrell). It’s delightful and delicious!

Also, if you’re going to eat a Totino’s Party Pizza, might I suggest fashioning it into a Pizzarito?




Filed under The Shame-ber

Attention Nerd Girls!

First of all, please accept my apologies for not updating the blog in almost a month. I’ve been traveling a bit and trying to inhale every bit of summer while it lasts. Oh, who I am kidding? I’ve been sitting on the couch watching NCIS with my husband, and was too ashamed to even show my face on the internet. Hey, did you hear that LL Cool J will be on the NCIS: Los Angeles spin-off?? Suh-weet!

Anyway, friend of the blog Andrew (an honorary Tenverite, due to his time here at the School of Mines) has a love of Star Trek that pretty much blew my mind grapes:

I also managed to complete something else during my studies at the Colorado School of Mines. What brought it to mind was Episode 360 and the “Finding the nerd girl of your dreams” segment. It took nearly three and a half years, but I successfully (or shamefully) watched every single episode of Star Trek. Not just The Original Series (TOS, in Trekkie parlance), but every. single. episode. ever. made. I even have the Netflix rental records to prove it. And the Google Documents Spreadsheet where I tracked my progress.


How much Star Trek is that? Well, there’s The Original Series, The
Original Series movies, the Animated Series (yea, who knew about
that?), The Next Generation, The Next Generation movies, Deep Space 9, Voyager, and Enterprise.

All in all, it’s 737 episodes and movies, totaling some 23 straight
days (and change) to watch them all. Even taking 3.5 years, that’s
about 30 minutes of Star Trek a day for over 1200 days.

And that’s my secret.

I wonder if this also explains why I don’t have a girlfriend?

Oh, and I almost forgot. My phone number is a vanity number…the last four digits, 1701…the registry number for the USS Enterprise.

And I own a Star Trek uniform that probably doesn’t fit anymore.

You heard him, geek girls – he’s single – and my sources tell me he’s got a killer bachelor pad in the Green Lake neighborhood!


Filed under The Shame-ber